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What sorts of coercive and controlling behaviours do perpetrators exhibit?

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Please note: the following contains details of domestic abuse, including violence, and mentions of suicidal ideation, self-harm and suicide attempts, which some readers may find distressing.

Coercive and controlling behaviours are, by their nature, insidious. Unlike physical abuse, emotional or psychological abuse do not leave physical marks or evidence. In other words, they can be 'invisible’, which makes it more difficult for victim-survivors to recognise it as abuse than physical abuse.xvi

This also means that they are also less likely to be reported and, in some cases, taken seriously. Yet recognising abuse in all its forms, no matter how severe, helps us to stop domestic abuse from escalating and causing serious physical, emotional and psychological harm to men, women and children.

Behaviours can start small. As we saw in our previous research, "Too close to home", they can even start out relatively normally, particularly in the context of a romantic or familial relationship.

Our debt advice client Cheryl,xvii for example, told us that when her partner was furloughed during the Covid-19 pandemic, her partner sought financial support in a seemingly reasonable way. However, the behaviours slowly offered Cheryl less of a choice. She said yes, “for an easy life.” In Cheryl’s case, he never paid her back, and his requests soon became demands and threats, with potentially violent consequences if she refused.xviii

This slow creep makes many victims normalise and adapt to the behaviours over time. This is why the introduction of the coercive and controlling behaviour offence was so important.xix

It recognised in law the cumulative and sustained nature of abuse, capturing harm that emerges over time rather than through isolated incidents, and acknowledging that apparent consent or compliance may in fact be the product of fear, dependency, and coercion rather than free choice.

Emotional abuse

In our survey, we asked respondents to select which behaviour(s) the perpetrator had used or exhibited to pressure them to make transactions that led to debts (Fig. 4). The most commonly reported behaviour, selected by over half (53%) of respondents, was emotional abuse, such as blackmail or manipulation. This was higher, at 60%, among women and those with additional vulnerabilities.

Lying or withholding important information

38% reported that the perpetrator lied or withheld important information. This could include things like hiding assets, concealing financial obligations or restricting access to accounts to make the victim-survivor unaware of their true financial situation. Again, women (43%) and people with additional vulnerabilities (44%) were more likely to experience this behaviour.

Control

Control over day-to-day life was a recurring theme. More than a quarter (28%) said their daily activities or behaviour were monitored or controlled. One in four (26%) experienced non-physical threats or intimidation, and women reported this at significantly higher levels (32%) than men (20%).

Financial dependency

Just as this behaviour creates financial dependence and pressure, so too is financial pressure used as a tool of coercion. Almost one in four respondents (23%) said financial dependency was used against them, for example by withholding financial support or restricting access to shared accounts.

Intimidation, abuse and harassment

While less common than non-physical behaviours, respondents often experienced overtly threatening behaviours. One in five (20%) reported being restricted from accessing things they needed to live a full life, with similar figures among men (19%) and women (21%).

Around one in eight experienced physical intimidation (13%) – with slightly higher rates among women (15%) than men (11%) – or stalking and harassment (13%) with the same gender split as for physical intimidation.

12% reported physical violence or threats of physical violence. Again, this was slightly higher among women (14%) than men (11%). 7% reported sexual abuse or threats of sexual abuse, and this was higher among men (9%) than women (5%). While societal misconceptions mean that a pervasive image of domestic abuse is one that involves physical violence, this data and other literature reflect how common psychological and emotional abuse are.

It also highlights that coerced debt is not just an issue that creates financial harm, it also carries a significant safety risk to the victim-survivor.

Fig. 4 Types of behaviours perpetrators used to pressure victim-survivors  

Type of pressure experienced Percentage
Emotional abuse such as blackmail or manipulation 53%
Lying or withholding important information 38%
Controlling or monitoring your daily activities and behaviour 28%
Non-physical threats and/or intimidation 26%
Financial dependency as leverage (e.g. withhold financial support or access to shared accounts) 23%
Restricting access to or depriving you of something you need to live a full life 20%
Physical intimidation 13%
Stalking or harassing behaviours 13%
Physical violence and/or threats of physical violence 12%
Sexual abuse and/or threats of sexual abuse 7%

What people told us about their experiences

In qualitative responses, multiple respondents reported that other behaviours the perpetrator exhibited included threatening to leave the relationship, threatening to commit suicide, and many talked about guilt tripping, bullying and direct coercion. Many of the responses demonstrated how perpetrators used seemingly normal behaviours or suggestion to coerce victim-survivors.

For example, one male victim-survivor said that his perpetrator had told him: “You have a better credit rating and can get lower rates.” As described above, this demonstrates how perpetrators take advantage of a strong economic position, or one that is perceived to be strong.xx

Another male-victim survivor said that the perpetrator “used persuasion and constant suggestions, making [him] feel it was the sensible or necessary thing to do.” Similarly, life events like pregnancy were used to create a situation in which taking on debt seemed like a necessity, with emotional and material consequences for non-compliance.

One female victim-survivor wrote: “I was due to go on maternity leave. I had saved and gone without so that I could still contribute to household costs. He told me I needed to get the loan out for him otherwise I would have to return to work very quickly. He said he wouldn't be able to support me if I didn't get the loan for him. I didn’t want to risk not spending time with my baby.”

Others, in the words of one male respondent, said the perpetrator “used love as a weapon”, with another male respondent echoing this idea, telling us: “They told me, ‘If you loved me, you’d do it.’”

We also heard of more serious threats, including to children: “They threatened the children, threatened to leave, and threatened to force the sale of the house,” wrote one man. One female victim-survivor wrote: “They went from being controlling and lashing out at me to being temporarily sweet and interested in me when I reacted positively to lending them money.” Another victim-survivor, a man, wrote that he: “felt that he was their slave and [that he] had to do as [he] was told, otherwise [he] would suffer dire consequences.”

Would you like to find out more?

Email us to discuss or request more information about this report at policy@stepchange.org